Breaking The Rules.
Is being Bad Better?
Part 1.
I spent my twenties as the queen of blue balls.
I never had sex with guys right away.
And if I'm honest?
I hardly ever had sex.
I was a lady and I was searching for Prince Charming.
And Prince Charming would never rush into having sex.
He was a gentleman after all.
And no man marries their whore.
And then one day I turned 30 and I realized something.
Prince Charming was really fucking late.
Where the hell was he?
I never thought I would have sex on a first date.
I mean hello?
That's for Sluts.
Who does that?
You don't even know each other!
I mean.
Gross.
And then something in me grew curious one day and I decided I wanted to know what the fuss was about.
So I had sex on a first date.
And you know what?
It was really fucking fun.
Sex with a stranger is definitely a different kind of high than sex with a crush.
I'm not saying it's better.
I'm just saying it's different.
Somehow the stakes are raised and things are more unpredictable.
You're seeing the inside of their room and their massive comic book collection all the while thinking, I didn't get a nerd vibe from him at all.
So I had this first date that was unexpectedly fantastic.
There we sat, him gazing into my eyes the way all guys do, as if to say, So you wanna? Huh? Come over? Now? How about now? Take your top off!
And my Ladylike Instinct kicked in, and said, No, You shouldn't. You shouldn't have sex on the first date. What if he never calls you again? You're setting yourself up to get hurt.
And then suddenly I heard my voice say it.
"Let's go."
We stood outside of the bar, kissing in the rain, like some scene in a movie, our mouths both in disbelief as they clung to one another that this was already gonna happen. Audible sighs escaped his mouth and I knew I was making him feel like it was Christmas.
I left afterward.
This was all new to me and spending the night felt like an even deeper level of intimacy I wasn't ready for.
I fell down the rabbit hole yes, but I wanted to still be able to reach the rope so I could climb out.
"You don't have to go, you can stay," he told me.
'I know.'
But I wanted to go home.
The next day I waited to hear from him. It's amazing what a difference good sex makes to forming attachment. Bad sex, we don't really care if they text us. But good sex, and we're looking at our iPhones so much it's like we just upgraded from a Blackberry.
I wanted more.
I gave it almost 48 hours and then I grew restless. I texted him a selfie. Because when a woman is seeking validation there is nothing like the subtle TELL ME I'M PRETTY! Selfie to get what you need.
Immediately after I sent it my Ladylike Instinct kicked in again.
Why did you do that? You know you're not supposed to contact him first. Let him pursue you! He is going to get bored with you and you're making it all too easy for him......
Sherwood Forest chimed in.
He texted.
**by the bye that is my favorite text tone for a guy. It literally sounds like the processional for, "hear ye hear ye, the Prince has arrived!"**
As we carried on with some trivial conversation about Halloween I started to feel another urge kick in. He'd told me he had to work late all week, as servers often do. And I wanted him to know I was down for a booty call because really that's how I'd saved him in my phone: GREAT LAY.
But my damn Ladylike Instinct smacked me upside the head. You can't do that! Why don't you just tell him to think of you as his giant whore?! He is not even going to want you when you're making it so easy. What kind of relationship.....
And that was just it. I didn't know if I really wanted a "relationship" with this guy.
Did I want him to be my relationship status on Facebook?
Did I even wanna date exclusively?
I'd had another great date the same week and had no idea where that would lead.
I didn't really want to have to make a choice anytime soon.
I kinda wanted a fuck buddy.
So I sent him a text letting him know he should text me after work sometime.
And he said that could be arranged.
And that's when it hit me.
I was going to break ALL THE RULES.
I was going to do everything wrong, everything all the books told me not to do and see what the hell would happen.
Would the books be right?
Would I get my heart broken after he grew bored with me?
Would my feelings change as the sex continued?
I wanted to find out.
And I decided I'd keep a blog about it while it happened so when it was over you could experience it with me.
And decide if it was all really fucking fantastic or really fucking insane.
He'd told me a story about his worst date ever and it was just a massive train wreck from the start.
But he just kept hanging out with her, going from one venue to the next.
"I just had to see what was gonna happen. I just had to know where the chaos would end!"
And that was the moment I thought, this kid's really gonna like me.
Cuz I'm fucking insane.
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