We matched on Tinder on this same day two years ago.
He doesn't live here and for some reason anytime he's been in town it's never worked out when we've tried to meet.
So today he writes, I think it's time we meet.
And something happens to me.
For the first time in two years I don't want to meet him.
I kind of met someone.
Ok before you get excited it's not like that.
We're not making out under mistletoe and calling each other baby.
Though he does sometimes call me babe.
I don't know if I've ever dated anyone whose called me babe.
Oh god.
Are we dating??
I don't know how to do this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I like him.
Do you understand what that does to me?
Liiiiiiking some boy?
It turns me into a sociopath!
I become obsessed.
Consumed with the person
I like.
I don't like what it does to me.
No, see, it's actually be-tter if I date lots of boys because then I never get fully consumed by one and the raging psychopath stays well hidden for no one to ever know.
Except for that one wackadoodle who comes around once every five years during the harvest moon because he clearly has a psychopath fetish.
Excuse me.
High functioning sociopath.
But I kind of want to be a psychopath with this new guy.
Does that sound off?
I think that's my sociopath talking.
I'm BOTH, ok.
I don't subscribe to "labels."
The thing is, I went out with this guy the night after my moon lover killed the fun on our chaotic little twisted love.
You know some men just can't handle their psychopath.
So when random guy wanted to meet for a drink I thought, yes, yes I will.
Out with the old and in with the---
What's this kid's name again??
So I had a good date and it followed with a great night and in the morning I didn't know what the fuck to do.
He kissed me goodbye and said I'd like to see you again and I felt like that emoji with the wide eyes and the blushing cheeks.
He's still here and we're gonna talk about this now??
I don't know what's happening.
But as he tripped walking backwards out my front door I giggled.
He had turned me into a school girl.
Nothing has happened.
Don't misunderstand me.
We went to the Lego store and we played Mariokart and he played his guitar for me and I let him spend the night again and on Christmas Eve we saw each other unexpectedly even though we'd seen each other the day before.
But, you know.
Whatever.
I haven't had time to worry like I usually do because he makes time for me and he communicates.
And part of me secretly keeps waiting for the axe to fall because Duh, have you seen my life?
And the other part of me is eerily reassured because it's all simple with him.
Simple.
Like nothing and no one I've ever experienced ever.
And I told myself I shouldn't even write about him like acknowledging my comfort and excitement and nervousness and giddiness would make it all disappear like the dream I was sure to awake from.
But I had to.
Because it's what's true.
When that other guy wrote me today and wanted to meet and I suddenly had no desire to meet some other stranger I knew.
This must be something.
It had to be, hadn't it?
I need to tell you something.
You're married.
No. I wrote you on Okcupid a year ago.
And you never wrote me back.
And if it does turn out to be the case, wouldn't that be something?
Wouldn't it?
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