day 2.6

It's 3:30 in the morning and I'm sitting on the couch in the living room eating a Crunchie bar, which is the candy bar my dad would always get us in Canada when we were kids, 

The window looks out over a street where people are constantly driving and walking and riding their bikes that advertise Coke Zero. 

Dublin feels like New York, if New York were full of really friendly people who talked more than even you do. 

The buildings are old in a way that makes you want to put on a dress and stockings and the front doors are painted bright colors and so many of them are made of brick, which I love. 

Men wear suits and everyone who passes you is talking in a different language than the person who walked by minutes before and the city is bustling and has an energy that makes you want to move instead of watching Netflix and chill.

We went to a bar that's been around since 1198, 1198, holy shit.

There's so much history here its intoxicating. 

We've been here two days, just two days, one of which we spent delirious after being up for 28 hours, and it already feels like we've seen so much and we have 11 more days, 11 days, to see even more of Ireland and I feel so very spoiled it's like my heart may burst. 

I still think of him and it doesn't stop being strange to miss somebody but not want to see him and I haven't heard from him in over a week which I know is probably what's best for me but that doesn't stop me from often looking at my phone and wondering if there's going to be a green alert with his name on it displaying a voicemail like it did 10 days ago.

It already feels so long ago and that's how much time I have yet to explore Ireland and time is such an inconsistent being, isn't it?

So fast and then so very slow all the while surprising you with its speed, never knowing when it will increase its tempo without notice. 

Like so many things. 

No notice. 

And I wonder why it's so hard for me to let people go, let my belief in them diminish, I don't seem to know how or am able, and I know even after I fall in love with someone else a part of me will always be looking at my phone secretly wondering when he'll reach out again, because the last thing he said, his tired words echoing in my ear, was you're still there, in his mind, in his thoughts, his dreams, fantasy, I exist. 

And my heart takes comfort in that. 

Where all else is confusing and unknown and ever changing at varying tempos. 

I am

still

there.

So there's that.