move along

I forget how much I love your direct ways.

When I read his text it suddenly made me think of Batman. 

Most of the men in my world tend to be overwhelmed by my inability to hold back what I'm actually thinking. 

But there are a select few who get off on it.

And it has been a long time since I talked to one of those guys.

I really liked it. 

I hate it when people aren't honest with me. 

I pissed you off, I hurt your feelings, you wish I would have come to your concert that you didn't communicate was such a big fucking deal?

Then use your words and say so.

I'm not a mind reader. 

And I'm also so unabashedly candid I forget the rest of the world isn't. 

So hearing from this kid I hadn't talked to in five years that was, frankly, kind of a dick the last time I heard from him, was so fucking random I couldn't help asking him straight up, what's the deal?

You just bored and need some attention or are you looking to fuck?

His response?

I forget how much I love your direct ways.

Fuck.

Thank you.

Thank you for not making me feel like there's something wrong with me for saying what anyone would be thinking but who rarely ever actually communicate anything honest. 

I'm losing respect for people who lie. 

Even silence feels like a lie. 

I haven't heard from my mother for a week because she said something hurtful and I called her out on it and her response was to not respond. 

My own mother. 

It's not just the guys on Tinder who ghost you or your best friend of 15 years who dumps you.

Everyone hates being called on their shit.

Except for a very select few. 

I remember a couple months ago Amelie upsetting me. 

And I told her. 

Because I don't lie to the people I love.

And even though it was kind of hard, for both of us, she said she wanted me to always be honest with her, even if sometimes it was hard to hear. 

And I need people who accept that part of me in my life. 

Sometimes I feel hurt and depressed and scared or really fucking mad. 

And I don't lie and say I'm fine, because society wants me to be a dulcet little lady.

I am not going to lie to avoid conflict and keep the pain that's suffocating me inside. 

I'm going to express it, write it, get it the fuck out, so it exists.

It's acknowledged. 

And then I can release it and move on to feeling balanced again. 

And the few who get me will always understand that.

Understand what a vital act it is for me to let my darkness out.