I heard him wrong and thought he said "Nioanna."
He let me go on thinking that was your name for weeks.
Hahaha.
He's such an ass.
I knew he loved you long before he ever told you.
I was concerned about the relationship.
Understandably so.
The circumstances surrounding it were unusual, meeting online, thousands of miles apart from each other.
He already spends nearly all his time alone.
So having a relationship with a girlfriend he never saw made me worry his needs wouldn't be met.
Quality Time is really important to him.
And I knew having none with you would be hard on him.
The girl he dated after me rarely made time to see him.
And it broke his nerdy heart.
So one night hanging in his apartment, probably after playing Mariokart or eating food cart, I asked him what it was he liked about you.
Now normally, asking him a personal question or even bringing up anything serious, would result in silence.
When he doesn't want to talk about something he doesn't talk.
It drives me bananas.
But on this night, he opened up like some inspired poet.
I always sass him, interrupt him, give him a hard time like he's my annoying little brother.
But this time, I was so stunned by his overflow of words that I just sat there.
Silent.
I don't remember exactly what reasons he gave.
He liked how supportive you are.
He said you possessed some of the qualities he would find desirable in a partner.
But whatever words he used to describe his feelings for you, it was the tone I heard.
Love.
The way he talked about you I realized he loved you.
And that was when I knew I wanted to meet you.
Because anyone that meant that much to my friend would be someone I'd want to know.
That's how much I love my friend.
As things progressed between you two, I remember one day he brought up that you'd talked about marriage.
I remember driving home that night and feeling like him and I were really in a good place as friends, because I was genuinely happy for him.
It was a little strange because years ago I thought I might want to marry him.
But we'd grown a lot together over the last three years.
And we had come to accept what we meant to each other and what we weren't.
Around that same time, he came to a performance of mine.
Two of my best friends went too and they each told me afterwards how they could see how much he cared for me and that he really was a good friend.
Later he went out for drinks with us and when I had too much to drink my girlfriend said he helped take care of me.
He talked about you with us and she said I must be important for him to share about his relationship.
I was upset because this guy I really liked had been pushing me away.
But he was supposedly going to see my show and I hoped we would work things out because I thought I could love him.
Your boyfriend texted me after he left us that night and said, "I hope things work out for you."
It made me feel really loved.
My girlfriend said she could see that we each wanted the other to be happy even if it wasn't with each other and that was a rare and wonderful thing.
The friendship I've had with your boyfriend is a rare and wonderful one.
So understandably when I found out you were coming to visit for several weeks I couldn't wait to meet you!
I wanted to tell you not to be nervous about meeting his family because his Mother was going to be so thrilled just to be a part of what was going on his life, she would love you.
I wanted to tell you that one time when we were climbing and he couldn't get the dyno to save his life (he tried like, 6 or 7 times & failed) and then I yelled, cheering him on, "Do it for Nioanna!" (I actually did say your name right that time) and he DID it.
I had taken a video of him making the climb and I told him he should text it to you.
"Send her that and tell her you weren't able to do it until I said do it for her."
I thought it was really sweet.
What we do for love.
But of course he didn't share it with you.
It's pretty clear he didn't share anything about me with you.
So then you visit and although I ask several times he doesn't want me to meet you.
Or you don't want to meet me.
And I am super bummed because I'm happy for my friend and I wanted to share in his excitement.
I told him he should tell you that he loves you because I knew he did.
I was in support of you as soon as I realized he loved you.
And so I don't get to see my friend for weeks.
I was frustrated and my feelings were hurt but we made plans to meet to climb and grab dinner.
I picked him up and as he walked to the car a smile stumbled on his lips.
He never wants me to see how happy he is to see me but he was.
We've been friends forever.
I'm the Penny to his Sheldon.
At dinner he shared with me about your visit.
And I was happy to hear the visit went well.
I was also happy to know that it wasn't personal that you didn't want to meet me but that it was probably just a little overwhelming because sometimes things overwhelmed you.
And that was fine.
I knew I'd meet you someday.
I felt inspired by how much better I felt after talking to my friend that I chose to write a blog.
The guy I was still hung up on still hadn't contacted me and I was furious about being ignored.
I just wanted to know the truth.
And I felt like my friend had given me the truth, so I deserved to hear it from this guy.
So I wrote the blog out of frustration toward HIM.
The only reason I shared any of what your boyfriend told me was to illustrate how important communication is. I certainly never thought in a million years that 1) You would ever read it or 2) That if you did read it you'd be so offended.
I felt the things I wrote about you were very supportive.
I called you his Amy Farrah Fowler and said you were a better match than I ever was.
After I found out the blog had upset you I went back and reread it several times and couldn't figure out what it was you were so upset about.
But your boyfriend asked me to remove the parts about you from the blog and I DID.
BUT THEN -I found out you gave my friend an ultimatum.
You told him you'd break up with him unless he stopped being my friend.
Because of a blog that was about the man I was still in love with and because I had "too many pictures" of your boyfriend.
Whose my best friend.
Who I've spent COUNTLESS HOURS with over the last three years.
You hateful, judgemental bitch.
Your boyfriend HATES pictures.
I have fought, since I met him, to try and get photos of him or with him where he wasn't frowning like he was constipated THE WHOLE TIME I'VE KNOWN HIM.
But this year, for some miraculous reason, he had started actually taking decent photos with me.
That is something I'd been fighting for YEARS to have!
Then you come along, with your psycho stalker obsession, and create some scenario in your head that it's improper of me to have photos with him, like How DARE She.
F U C K Y O U.
I have been through HELL and back with this man.
We have been there for each other through death and unemployment, he lived with me for months so he wouldn't be homeless, we've cried to each other and screamed at one another, and you're going to sit there, miles away on your fucking computer and decide you know who I am and the intentions of my heart when I wasn't even worth a fucking hour of your life to sip a beer with.
The amount of time you've spent pouring over my social media could have been spent talking to me face to face.
And then NONE of this shit would have happened and I wouldn't have lost my best friend because he's scared shitless of surviving life alone.
I have every right to express whatever I want, however I want.
THAT'S THE POINT OF A BLOG, BITCH.
YOU'RE the one who chose to participate in it.
Why the fuck were you stalking me in the first place?
Do you know your boyfriend has slept with countless women since we dated?
Are you gonna do a search on all those vaginas as well?
Your boyfriend meant the world to me.
You're not even here to spend time with him.
And being alone all the time isn't good for him.
ASK HIM.
It makes him depressed.
Why would you not want him to be around someone who adores and supports him when you're not even here to give him a fucking hug?
You think it's better he spend all his hours in his tiny apartment alone playing WOW waiting for texts from YOU?
SHAME on you.
Shame on your selfishness, your insecurities, your hate and your judgment.
You think so little of your boyfriend to believe he'd be close friends with someone if she wasn't worth his time?
YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW HIM.
The longest you've spent TOGETHER is a few weeks.
The longest we've been APART is a few weeks.
For the last 41 months.
Congratulations on removing the one person from your boyfriend's life who loves him as much as his Mother and who is the only person living close enough to be there for him if he needed anything in a heartbeat.
ANYTHING.
But a text from Italy is far more meaningful.
You know what's best.
After all, you two have been through hell and back together.
Oh wait.
No you haven't.
YET.
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