Especially being the attention seeking immature little girl I really am.
It's easy to act sassy & tough when most of the time I really just wish someone would give me a hug & tell me I'm their favorite.
I did something this week I needed to, that I know is ultimately what's best for me but I feel like such an asshole about it.
I think as a woman most of the time we do anything that puts our own needs first we feel like assholes.
That's not very selfless & loving of us.
How dare we.
But it is loving.
It's loving ourselves.
Why do we think it's more important to find someone to love us than to work on loving ourselves?
I've had a gloom over me for the past 48 hours.
I feel so guilty.
I feel like a terrible person.
But I also hope they leave me alone.
There are some doors that need to stay closed.
So I'm sitting at home sipping my pink champagne feeling sorry for myself because I set a boundary & lost a "friend" who made me feel lonely when I was around him & then I see on my Facebook feed that some girl I barely know has lost her mother. And had her boyfriend leave her.
And I feel like such an even bigger asshole.
Why do we pout in our tiny little bubbles when there's a world around us filled with people who would love to hug us & be our favorite?
I went to Target to charge myself a little happy & watched an employee walking in front of me.
Bright red polo. Pressed khakis.
Things could always be worse.
I could work at Target & have to wear khakis every day.
I fucking hate khakis.
I know it's just a dip in the ebb & flow but I hate feeling bummed out.
I'm not even on my bitchy red week or my pre bitchy red week I have no hormonal excuse.
Sometimes life just epically sucks.
And then sometimes you find a pink sweater with ivory lace sleeves at the store & the world starts to look a little brighter.
At least I get to choose my costume.
And the fellow actors in my play.
A recasting will take some getting used to but will be for the best.
Time to learn my lines.
Act II.
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