Making an Ass of Myself at the Climbing Gym

My climbing buddy and I were sitting on the mats, scanning the room. 

The best part about climbing (other than the climbing itself) was watching people climb. 

Or rather, watching men climb. 

I could go to the gym every day for that alone. 

And then suddenly, I saw him. 

A tall, lanky guy sporting a Batman shirt. 

"Dude," I elbowed my climbing buddy. "Batman is so cute. Look."

He was far enough away that all you could really make out was a silhouette. 

"I can spot them from a mile away, those tall, lanky men are my kryptonite. Come over here, Batman, explore my caves," I said just loud enough for my friend to hear. 

She laughed at me and we continued climbing. 

Later on, I looked up and my heart fluttered all excited like when I find a Tadashi dress on the clearance rack in my size. (Hello $300 dress marked down to $47, you love of my life!)

"Batman's coming this way!" I practically screamed in her ear. "I have to talk to him!!"

So being the super clever, flirtatious goddess that I am, I confidently said to Batman, "I like your shoes."

They were pink.

And I already knew that they were rentals because the gym was having an event that night and there was a whole table of them when you first walked into the gym. 

It was pretty much one of the lamest things I could have said. 

But he humored me and starting talking back and all of a sudden I started to have one of those déjà vu experiences where I'd heard this guys voice before. 

And then as excited as I was that he was talking to me I started to feel a little bizarre because I didn't know why he suddenly felt so familiar. 

Remember that scene in Sex & the City when Samantha is having sex with this guy who blurts out, "pull my hair" and she's all, "Wait, I've slept with you before." But completely forgot until he was inside her again. 

I asked Batman, "Did you go to Portland State?"

No, he hadn't. 

College always feels like a safe place to start when figuring out how I know someone. 

Next is Starbucks since I worked there for 49 years. 

But my brain was drawing a blank. 

"You look really familiar. What's your name?"

"Bruce."

My brain started to figure out what file he could be in. 

Bruce. Bruce. Bruce. 

Guys I've worked with. 

No. 

Guys I've slept with. 

No. 

Guys I've crushed on. 

Wait. 

I was slowly making the connection even as I asked the question. 

"Have you ever been to Wayne Company?"

He had just started climbing, stopped and looked right at me. "Is your name Teresa?"

OHMYGODHeRememberedMyName!!

I'm fucking famous. 

Well, it didn't hurt that I sold him his tux for his wedding. 

We continued talking and he admitted, "I always thought it was weird how much you remembered about me."

And I could feel his eyes looking into mine asking, 'Seriously, what the fuck was that about?'

"Well, actually," I paused for dramatic effect. "I can say this now since we're here and it's been two years, but--I had a HUGE crush on you. Like ridiculous crush."

And then, dear lord in heaven, it was like removing the cork that had held back the entirety of the ocean and suddenly word vomit just poured out of me, I couldn't stop it. 

"I just thought you were so cute, you're totally my type I have a weakness for tall, lanky nerds, especially climbers--"

'She really does totally have a type, it's true,' my buddy interjected. 

And I just wouldn't shut up. 

I'm not even sure how he was even responding because I was so caught up in all the sentences falling out of my mouth but I think he just laughed and was amused. Or possibly totally creeped out & too polite to say anything. 

Though my friend later said she thought he was flattered. 

How could he not?

And then as the exclamation point to all the word vomit, as I realized I might run into her now too, I practically shouted, "Don't tell your wife, I'll be so embarrassed!!!"

And it was then that the pragmatic part of my brain finally started to kick in and I slowly started to back away, "I'll let you climb now" and I felt such a strange sensation of excitement at seeing him again & sheer embarrassment at melting into a giddy school girl I wanted to both run away & ask him to take a selfie with me. 

I'd already known Batman. 

And Batman climbs at my gym. 

How fucking fantastic is that?!?