Say Something, Bitch

Men who don't communicate should be castrated.

S L O W L Y.

I have zero patience for withholders.

You have a mouth. 

USE IT.

If you've forgotten how to speak just pretend your face is between my legs. 

You manage to use your mouth just fine down there. 

Not communicating is a way of withholding. 

Which is a super manipulative way for men to feel in control when--Oh gee, I don't know--most of the shit in their lives they have no control over. 

But isn't it grand to feel in control over the buxom redhead who thinks she likes you?

Fuck off. 

And it's not just ex lover Mangina's who don't communicate. 

ALL MEN run the potential risk of forgetting how to use their tongues. 

One of my closest friends is Sheldon.

And my dear friend Sheldon has found his Amy Farrah Fowler.

(If you haven't seen 'Big Bang Theory' then I really don't know how we can be friends.)

Amy, however, is not someone Sheldon met at a comic book convention in Portlandia.

No, Sheldon and Amy met on Okstupid.

And she lived in Italy.
Leave it to Sheldon to need to search another country to find a girl suitable to date.
They found each other doing a word search for Physics.
It was nerd heaven.

So understandably, when she came for an extended visit I wanted to meet her.

Years ago I was head over heels in love with Sheldon.
And I was dying of curiosity over this new nerdtastic love of his life.

Only to my frown face, he wasn't going to let me meet her.
"It's up to her who she does or doesn't want to meet."

Wha-Bu-I---HOW RUDE!
Do you know who I am??

My feelings were soon hurt.
I've known Sheldon nearly four years now and I'm his closest friend.
How could he not want me to meet his girlfriend?
Or rather, how could he not want his girlfriend to know ME??
HeLLoOoOO!

I was so upset I told him he was a big fat meanie face and we didn't see each other the whole time she was here.
I went climbing with Sheldon this week and he told me about her visit.
He introduced her to his parents and she apparently was really nervous about it.
Like, super anxiety ridden stressed.
It was Sheldon's Mother's birthday so Amy wanted to get her a birthday card.

"It took her no less than two hours for her to choose a card," he said. "We had to go to so many places. And then she didn't know what to write in the card. She googled traditional American birthday greetings."

And as he continued to share with me her nervousness and how meeting the family ended up going fine, I stopped feeling hurt that I didn't get to meet her.
Because if she was the type of person to have anxiety over a happy birthday card then meeting me would have been even more stressful.
And I went from wanting to punch Sheldon in the balls to being content hearing his stories.

Because he COMMUNICATED. 

Because I found out the TRUTH of the circumstances instead of being left to my imagination. 

What a fucking concept. 

The thing most men don't understand is that we really are simple creatures. 

We goddesses of femininity. 

We don't need the moon. 

We just need to know what the fuck is going on. 

And then we are more understanding than they know 

But the silence?

The withholding incurs my wrath. 

And then I want nothing more to do with you. 

EVER.

Au revoir.