For those of you just tuning in, things ended abruptly over an arbitrary misunderstanding (SEE Do You or Do You Not Want to Fuck Me).
So that was The End to our Happily Ever After.
I crawled under a weeping Out of Towner at a seedy motel to get over it.
(Which prompted me to then choose my vibrator over any date for the next several weeks.)
But apparently our tragic love story wasn't over because a week after dramatically ending things, I heard from him.
He'd been attacked and was being hospitalized.
Traumatic brain injury.
Dental reconstructive surgery.
Part of his tongue was missing.
Holy Fucking Shit.
I still don't know how or what happened.
All I know is that he was in bad shape and understandably didn't want any visitors.
It didn't change anything between us but I guess he wanted me to know what had happened.
Again I didn't hear from him for several weeks and wondered if I ever would.
Cut to a week ago.
And he texts me and then calls me.
And he wants to SEE me.
"Can I see you tomorrow?" He asks.
It's nearly midnight and I feel like I must be dreaming because I haven't seen him in a month (longer?) and suddenly out of the blue he wants to see me.
He apologizes for being distant and the way he talks to me, the tone, the affection he expresses reminds me of that first week we started dating.
It's all going to be ok, I think to myself.
He's finally letting me in.
But of course I don't end up seeing him the next day.
My life is not a romantic comedy.
My life is a modern day tragedy.
He does at least call and let me know that he ended up at the hospital again and was there most of the day.
"I guess I'm not ready to be a human after all," he tells me.
And that's totally ok because at least we're talking to each other again and if I can't see him for awhile I understand.
We know we care about each other and that's what matters.
Right?
Except then I don't hear from him.
At all.
AGAIN.
Nine days and counting.
I did, however, get an emoticon from him a few days ago because I sent a text that was basically like I'm worried you're still alive could you please at least send me an emoticon.
So he sent me an emoticon.
But that was it.
I have no idea what's going on.
I don't know anything.
I've expressed concern, and worry, I've enquired as to why he talked to me a week ago but now wasn't communicating at all.
But nothing.
Not one sentence.
And part of me doesn't even believe that phone conversation actually happened.
Because how can a man say he just wants to make you happy and then lay there reading snap chat messages and refuse to send one fucking text my way?
It's been this let me in push me away let me in cut me out merry go round from hell dance and I can't fucking take it anymore.
Because I deserve a fucking explanation.
Hell I deserve communication.
My one night stand weeping motel sex communicated more with me after our sad sex than him.
That's fucked up.
I was so happy just hearing from him, just knowing he was alive and he didn't think badly of me.
And that was enough.
I could have been content with that.
But no.
He had to call.
He had to ask to see me.
He led me to believe I mattered enough to be let in to his world.
"You can come over and we can watch a movie and cuddle," he'd said.
And relationships really are as simple as that.
All we need is a little time together, a hug, the chance to be there for each other when we're hurting.
But I never saw him.
There was no hug. No cuddle.
There wasn't even a fucking text.
I'm so hurt and angry and confused.
And how can I not take it personally when a man wants to see me and then suddenly won't bother to contact me at all?
His hands work and he has his phone.
He is choosing of his own free will to ignore me.
And ignoring me is like, the greatest offense in the history of ever.
He might as well write FUCK YOU RESA and have flyers made and make vines about it because that's what blowing me off feels like.
My heart is drained of all sympathy and I just want to erase his number and forget everything that's ever happened.
But you know he'll contact me again.
Right when I'm on the verge of forgetting what he looked like.
Because men are assholes like that.
If it wasn't for their dicks I wouldn't even talk to them.
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