Worth A Thousand Words

I thought about what she said.

My friend.

About why I post so much online. 

And I thought maybe I am just purely narcissistic and histrionic. 

Maybe it is all ego and bravado. 

And then I thought about my best friend and how she just celebrated her ten year wedding anniversary.

And how incredible that must feel, to have a partner in crime, a witness to all of your life. 

And how I can't even begin to guess what that kind of love feels like. 

And maybe there's actually something really beautiful in sharing my life online with a bunch of strangers. 

How wonderful it feels when that beautiful girl I admire from across the continents likes one of my photos. 

How we've all created this interactive online diary where we can say anything, express everything, and feel less alone. 

We can feel S E E N.

I think that's all I want. 

To feel seen. 

I used to dance around in my lingerie hoping Sheldon would react and he never did. 

I used to pour my heart out in letters to Narcissus hoping he would respond and he never wrote. 

And I love how it feels, seeing my own life there. 

How I can go back to that photo from twenty weeks ago and remember exactly the hope I felt on that rainy night. 

When life is so chaotic and I am so wretchedly forgetful. 

It stares me back in my Fancy Face. 

The beautiful, the painful, the surprising moments of my life I chose to share. 

Because I didn't want to forget. 

And how incredible it is to remember. 

And I forgot. 

That's why I started writing in the first place. 

So I could learn and see the things I didn't understand. 

So I could look for the good. 

And accept the bad with grace. 

So in spite of the cynics, of the sea of unaccepting fools, I would believe. 

In my life. In my heart. 

In my story. 

That isn't finished being written yet. 

And I have all of you to witness. 

I have an audience to witness my life. 

Even if the only one holding my hand is the Unknown. 

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