Just Another Tinder Fail

It was the best of times. 

It was a waste of time. 

Tinder was literally the light of my labia. 

And the bane of my existence. 

If love is just another form of hate then Tinder brought out the murdering romantic in all of us. 

I really don't take it seriously. 

Maybe I should.... Question mark.

But I don't. 

It feels like one giant game.

Egos. 

And complexes. 

And a race to get my bra off.

Did you know that men will pay for my whiskey but they won't pay for my dinner or my ticket to see the concert?

They only pay for what they think might get them laid. 

And then they think I don't notice what they're up to. 

#amateurs 

The swell thing about being a Tinderella Queen (self proclaimed) is that I generally have an idea of whose gonna work for me. 

And whose gonna be dull as Cook's "champagne."

The guys who make me laugh with their messages, whose sass and personality shines through, always make for fun dates. 

Even if they don't end up being romantic hits I'm always glad I went. 

So the date I had set for this weekend was one of those kids who I knew was gonna make me laugh when he sat across from me. 

I'd gone climbing that night but I'd cut my climb short so I could make it to the bar on time. 

Aalto's this great pub that feels sexy even though it's a dive.

I walked around to the back side where they had 47 candles lit and spread about the room and no one was sitting back there. 

I sent him a message in case he wondered where I was hiding and said I'm sitting on the side that's having a seance. Apparently that's what we're doing tonight. 

He'd messaged me a few hours before confirming the time. 

And I logged off the app to read a text. 

Then he'd written me back. 

Shit I'm suuuuper sorry to have to do this but I'm gonna have to rain check tonight. A friend of mine is having a crisis and she needs me. 

Slightly jarred, I didn't respond right away. 

Canceling a date was one thing. 

But canceling a date after you should already be there is just in poor taste. 

#amateurs

I logged off the app to text my friend back and figured I'd write back some No worries I hope your friend is ok diplomatic response. 

Because like I said. 

I didn't really care. 

After all, this was a stranger. 

So I logged back on to Tinder and he was gone. 

He'd unmatched me. 

Which was even more strange than ditching me last minute with some bogus excuse. 

The Tinder app recently updated so you can no longer see when someone was last on. 

Which means if I hadn't logged on to Tinder in the two minutes he'd sent the message to me before unmatching me I might never have known he wasn't coming and I would have sat there with all those candles wondering if my date had died. 

I thought about staying and buying myself a drink since I was already in town. 

But I don't even like dealing with Saturday crowds with a date. 

Who the hell goes out on a Saturday night anymore?

I remember last week I was really in the mood to go out but all my friends were busy or sick and this guy was like, Yeah well it's a Monday.

Like the idea of frequenting a bar on a Monday was absurd. 

I love going out on week nights, I quickly responded. 

I hate going out on the weekends.

So even though he was amusing and kind of cute and picked a swell sexy dive bar in the city. 

He was yet another Tinder fail.

And proof that I really, truly, need to stop dating 28 year olds.

#ihaveissues