Bye bye vlog

My Barista loves me. 

When I go into her cafe she puts stars and loving adjectives all over my cup.

She always makes me smile. 

I adore her. 

The last time I saw her she asked me when I was gonna post my next video. 

I didn't have the heart to tell her I don't want to make YouTube videos anymore. 

I don't even know what happened but as soon as I got home from Spain I didn't want to make one. 

And I realized I didn't want to make any at all. 

Creating is something that is constantly changing. 

I'm changing so what I want to express and how I want to express it must grow too. 

I don't want to try and make people laugh anymore. 

I just want to be. 

I also don't want to be judged anymore. 

My blog doesn't seem to instill strong reactions of rage ('cept for that one girl who didn't want me climbing with her boyfriend anymore).

But my videos. 

My videos did. 

And I didn't think I cared. 

Because they were all honest expressions of pieces of me. 

And I would never take any of them down. 

But I don't want to be defined by them anymore. 

I don't even know how to explain it. 

But I just changed. 

Spain changed me. 

I learned people are never simply the way you think you see them. 

They're complex. And broken. 

And lovely. 

And strangers. 

We're all strangers. 

But sometimes we learn more than we don't know about someone. 

Or we find someone who will be silly and ridiculous with us. 

Who will get consumed in the moment with us. 

I want my life to be made of those moments. 

Alongside those who trust me enough to fully embrace their time with me. 

To give every fiber of their being over to that conversation, that long drive, that dance on the sand. 

So I guess I no longer need to say all the things I used to need to say in my videos. 

Now I just want to write. 

This blog. 

I don't want to alienate it anymore. 

I want it to be how I share. 

Because for some reason, when it comes to my writing, I'm never trying to be anything, or say anything other than ...

Me. 

Raw Reese. 

The girl who drives the men she loves away. 

But who is only singing louder because of it. 

Twirling.

Laughing. 

Loving the moments that exist now. 

Because they are worth every ounce of me. 

Wonderful, wild me.