Do Right Now

"Just imagine, you're 99 years old and you're on your death bed. All of a sudden you have the chance to come back to right now, what would you do?"

I got a job offer this morning. 

I was still half asleep and did everything I could to sound energetic as the lady on the phone cheerfully said, "I'd like to offer you the role, what do you think??"

I thought that I was smart to trust my instinct and call out to work.

The branch I was scheduled to work at had thee most toxic, negative woman working there I've encountered in months. 

No. 

Years. 

And last night when I thought about what I'd do right now if I was on my death bed and had the chance to do today over what would I do?

I would take care of myself.

I had invitations with several friends for tomorrow and I didn't want to miss out on them because I had to pack. 

So I decided to take the day to get myself organized, to do some self care, to clean my apartment and hang with my cat.

And that way I would then be able to be there for my friends that I love. 

And I wouldn't be spending my last weekday in Portlandia around hostile energy.

Besides, my hope was that by the time I was flying home I'd have another offer and never work for that company again. 

And the first thing--the first fucking thing that happened--when I opened my eyes on this day I restarted and chose to do differently--was a job offer. 

A job.

I'd been exhausting the fuck out of myself applying and interviewing for jobs so I could find something, anything, that would pay me a high enough salary that I could live on. 

75% of my current jobs's wages went to my rent.

You can imagine how not able I've been to stretch the remaining 25% to pay for every other fucking thing.

And this new job would increase my paycheck by a lot.

Or at least it felt like a fucking lot.

So I accepted the offer and hung up the phone and felt so relieved. 

Not only did I no longer have to search for a new job in a desperate panic.

But I also could be free to enjoy my vacation knowing financial security awaited me when I got home. 

And it felt like a reminder that I do know what's best for me. 

And I should always trust my instincts. 

Sometimes I need to take a risk to get what I really need. 

And things work out.

And there's always another job, another friend, another lover.....

Waiting for me. 

I'm ready for it all.

Every fucking second of it.