A Star is Born

"For a star to be born there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. So collapse. Crumble. This is not your destruction. This is your birth."-Astrasperas

I left the theatre with a contented, blissful smile on my face. 

The last person I talked to was the director.

Which was perfect. 

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you...." he started the conversation. 

It was so sweet and he had been so supportive and encouraging. 

He is the single reason why I got back into theatre. 

And I'm so very glad I did. 

And I will always love him for that. 

Breaks are a good thing because it allows you to live your life without something and learn if it really is better with that something in it. 

Or even a someone...

I had an overwhelming desire to be alone.

The struggle of the ENFP--we cycle through waves of needing to be social and doing activities and then desperately needing to be alone to create and process.

I headed home and decided that I would pick up Thai food on the way. 

As I pulled into the parking lot and got out of my car I laughed. 

Six months ago I'd pulled into the same lot to get the same chicken pad thai with peanut sauce and I'd locked my keys in the car. 

I'd been on my lunch break and I was so distracted and upset because my then manager had told me that I couldn't do the show because they wouldn't give me the time off I needed in August to do it. 

And then, as if that news hadn't been bad enough, I was written up for several ridiculous things and it was then I'd realized they wanted me gone. 

I'd worked there 3 years and the turnover was crazy high. 

I knew exactly what it looked like when the managers decided they didn't like someone and they wanted them gone. 

So I was not only heartbroken over not getting to do the show but I was also heartbroken over no longer being the little rockstar at work. 

A year prior I was their star.

I don't even know what happened to change that. 

But I guess that's just how life is sometimes.

Without warning people change. 

And they make up their mind about you. 

And that's that. 

The only good thing about the start of them treating me like a mistake at work was that it made me realize I needed to find a new job. 

So then I realized I could do the show. 

I'd find a new job that would accommodate it. 

So I'd accepted the part in secret. 

So I stood there now, realizing I'd inadvertently come full circle, back at the Thai restaurant. 

I had been so devastated when I thought I couldn't be in the show and instead I stood there full of such joy having now completed the run of the show. 

The show had been a success. 

I'd been a hit. 

The director told me he definitely wanted to work with me again, that the artistic director had been impressed with me too. 

They were proud of me. 

I was a star again. 

And I wasn't even sad it was over. 

Because I just felt so happy to be back. 

Back in the theatre scene. 

Back onstage. 

Back to my heart. 

It's the only way to be.

To live. 

For all that magic that rages in the heart.