i didn't realize i still love you

I've never been so excited to see someone I rarely talk to.

I've had gay boyfriends before.

But I've only ever had one gay husband. 

I don't know if I've ever had a romantic relationship that was love at first sight but with him, it was. 

It was such dumb luck that we even met that night cuz I was in such a grump I almost stayed home in my pajamas so I could listen to Fionna and despise men.

But thankfully there are instincts stronger than wallowing and I dragged my bummed little rump to the festivities.

And that's where it all began.

I actually went to the party with another gay boyfriend. 

See.

Boyfriends a plenty. 

Husbands, rare.

I can't recall exactly what we talked about that night. 

All I remember was when I saw him and heard him speak I was in leeeeeerve.

And I felt like I was already cheating on my gay boyfriend because suddenly there was a new boy in town.

We hit it off and became a duo but sooner than I wish it had been later, he moved. 

And as is common with most distant relationships, we grew apart. 

Still, with the help of social media, we'd send each other a like here, an emoji there.

He moved again and this time it was closer!

Though a thousand miles still sounded like an awful lot and I'd wish for the day he'd be back in the glorious rainy state of Oregon.

He texted me last week, out of the blue, and told me he was going on a road trip to Oregon. 

I couldn't believe it!

I don't even know how many years it had been since we'd seen each other. 

And funny enough, my hair was black when I met him, but hadn't been since. 

And now five years later I was going to see him, with black hair, once again and I was so excited I thought I might pee.

We each drove forty-five minutes to meet one another.

And when I opened my car door and saw him walking toward me, I squealed.

Knowing that there are people who exist in the world, even when I don't talk to them often, who instill such an overwhelmingly joyful reaction in me is kind of the most amazing feeling in the world. 

And sure enough, even though we hadn't talked in ages, it was like a time machine, as though it were the day before yesterday we met and took our first selfie. 

Driving back home, I thought how after years of very little contact, realizing he was finally so close, I didn't hesitate to drive the 90 minutes just to see him.

And he told me his other Portland friends didn't make time to see him. 

And I was shocked. 

Here, I'd felt special that he made time on his trip to see me and I was one of the only ones in that old circle who made time for him.

I read this same week If you're not losing friends then you're not growing up.

But it feels pretty damn special to learn some friends you'll never lose. 

No matter how much you change. 

And how many moons you spend apart. 

Some loves are stronger than all that. 

And they're the loves I live for.