Judge Not, Mother Fuckers

Most of the time I'm very good about not taking the rude shit people say to me personally. 

I'm a sparkly person and I'm not gonna let some thundercloud steal my joy.

But every once in awhile someone will say something that just burns a nerve.

So are you ever gonna settle down or are you just gonna continue to date? It seems like you're always going on a date with someone new. 

She just likes getting free dinners.

And yes, those two assholes were male.

Normally I don't give a flying fuck what anyone has to say about my dating habits. 

I'm happy and I'm searching for love.

That's more than most people can say.

So being judged because my lifestyle doesn't mirror yours shouldn't even bother me. 

But I was fucking pissed. 

A large part was the condescending tone it was delivered. 

This wasn't someone I consider a friend, razzing me out of an actual affection for me. 

This was someone I rarely talk to, am certifiably not friends with, who delivered his judgement with such a hateful tone it startled me.

Of course I wanted to find one person I felt so overwhelmingly connected to and in love with it changed everything I'd ever known or wanted and my life was shared in partnership. 

Making me feel WRONG for NOT choosing that was the equivalent of me asking him harshly why he didn't just go on a fucking diet already so he could stop being fat and unattractive. 

There are things society pounds into our minds about how we fucking need to be, what we need to look like, how we need to live, with whom.

And I could forgive a little easier that kind of backwards thinking if the asshole hurling judgement at me was thirty years older than me and grew up during an era when it was completely outrageous to not be shacked up by the age of 34.

But the condescension came from someone my same age which means he's educated enough to fucking know better. 

No.

I don't plan on just settling for any man who will have me. 

I date to experience connections and sex and be entertained as fuck by the amazing, absurd, incredible peculiarities of everyone I encounter.

I LOVE DATING.

If I met the love of my life and never wanted to fuck a different dick again I would still miss the surprising delight dating brings. 

I love people. 

I love meeting them and talking to them and finding out why they hate tomatoes and love Coldplay and are obsessed with skateboarding. 

People fascinate me. 

I'm an actor. 

I'm a studyer of people and what the fuck makes them tick. 

AND I FUCKING LOVE SEX.

And no two dicks are alike. 

And no two lovers are alike. 

And I'm not gonna attach myself to the penis that will fuck me when a lot of the time, that particular penis doesn't blow my mind. 

I'm searching for passion.

Consuming, ridiculous, intense as fuck passion. 

And I actually don't want to commit to someone who doesn't scare the shit out of me a little bit. 

I'm choosing to live my life as though I were actually enough. 

Can you fucking imagine?

Not waiting to accept my fate once I've locked down a "relationship" so you all can have me figured out and put me in the "had met her required expectations" box.

I want something more. 

I'm not like everyone else so I thinks it's bloody brilliant that my life isn't what you'd expect. 

I'm not what you expect. 

Of course my life is gonna be a different color. 

So don't stand there in your chosen dissatisfaction in your haze of mediocrity and make me feel bad for experiencing every facet life offers me. 

And fuck you for making me feel bad for being different when I've spent MY WHOLE LIFE wondering why I was.