Maybe 4th time's the charm. The first guy only wanted to meet if I went somewhere near his place in Beaverton, the second guy only wanted to meet if I sent him a picture first and the third guy only wanted to meet if we talked on the phone first. Maybe this guy will be the one.
No. He wasn't.
He wasn't the one.
He wasn't the anything.
He said he wanted to meet up that night and then I never heard from him again.
He clearly died.
Being rejected by people you don't even care about is the strangest feeling.
Your brain is like, I don't care, because I don't even know them, I have no emotional connection with them, why would I care if they reject me?
And then your ego is like, oh spite, oh hell, how could he not want the passion inside me I had reserved for such a night?
It's actually incredibly exhausting being a girl.
You genital on the outside bastards have no idea.
But the good news is I'm having a no tolerance for bullshit philosophy so if a guy makes me feel like crap before I've even met him he gets the axe.
Next.
There's plenty of dick in Portland.
Although apparently Portland is pretty fucking small.
After the play, which was fairly intense and hit a liiiiiitle too close to home for my comfort, She agreed to marry me but part of the agreement was she said I can't talk to you anymore, FUCK, my girlfriend grabbed my arm when the actor said that line & I muttered 'Shit' aloud.
Also there was an orange cat that was murdered, themes of god and faith and giving people second chances who then ruin your life again.
Needless to say when the show finally ended I wanted a cigarette and to hug my cat.
We decided to get another drink somewhere and she suggested the bar under the Morrison bridge and I smiled.
Oh do you not wanna go there?
No, it's fine. I'm smiling because I've only been there once and it was on a date with Batman.
We walked inside and were standing at the bar waiting for our drinks and the guy at the end of the bar looked familiar.
It took me a little longer than it probably should to be certain but I turned to my girlfriend and said, Oh my god. That's Glasses. And he's on a date.
Life likes to let you know how fucked up you are.
I think it actually gets a kick out of watching you squirm.
Glasses is my new lover, who I was going to meet up with the night before, but I was on day two of my period which means the only kind of sex I wanted to be having was the food porn kind where I ate cookies in my underwear in bed.
I told him I could meet up tomorrow after this play I was seeing and he said he was busy.
And now here we were in the same fucking bar and I get now why he was busy.
It's actually fucking hilarious.
Now life imitates art or art imitates life but regardless, I was suddenly in a play.
My girlfriend had picked out a table before I got there which happened to be right next to where my f*buddy was sitting.
My girl and I sat beside each other facing the bar.
And Glasses and his date sat beside each other facing us.
I wish I had a photo of it.
I looked up and he was sheepishly smiling at me, as though to say, well this is kinda awkward.
So I did what any confident, fabulous woman would do.
I walked over to him and said hi and gave him a hug.
His date was adorable and had matching black rimmed glasses and I introduced myself.
I was just telling him how amazing your hair and makeup looks, it's perfect, she gushed.
I looked at him, the sheepish smile grown more awkward.
He was so uncomfortable.
We sat back down and each couple continued in their respective evenings, all facing one another, all trying not to be preoccupied with what each other was doing.
I wasn't bothered the way maybe I should have been?
Hell, if all had gone as planned I'd be on another date myself right now.
But there was a part of me that wondered why she got priority when she was adorable and I was a sex kitten.
I will never understand men.
We went outside to smoke and it was so fucking windy none of the matches would stay lit.
I don't have a lighter, my girlfriend said.
I know who will have one.
And I walked back inside and right up to Glasses and said, Can I have your lighter, honey?
His face.
Was priceless.
We got half way through our cigarettes and Glasses and his date came out of the bar.
It was nice to meet you, the adorable one smiled, and Glasses gave me a sideways smile and a sheepish wave.
And I laughed.
I drove them out of the bar.
They're totally leaving because of me.
And my girlfriend nodded.
I bet he's totally gonna think about me when he's fucking her.
And my girlfriend nodded again.
And then the desire came.
For him.
For a fix.
I'd been working hard to ignore it, like he said he had always done.
If I just work hard to ignore it it'll go away. It did before.
And I suddenly knew wherever he was he was thinking of me right now too.
Because whatever we weren't or ever would be, we were the same type of fucked up.
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