just say goodnight

They want me to forget you already

A part of you does too

Look ahead 

You have to let me go

And you want me to remember what you've done 

but if I focused on all the hurtful things the men I love have done 

I'd never giggle when I saw a rainbow 

and I want to be that little girl 

that woman 

who has the hope of the stars reflected in her eyes

And I let go of your hands because you asked me to 

but sometimes we say things we don't mean 

and your eyes told me you wanted to hold me a little longer 

but your arms forgot how 

because they carried too much pain 

And I know we don't know 

but a year ago I believed 

when no one else did 

in nights around that river 

I sent you love 

and I wished I pleaded in those stars and so much time passed 

and you stood before me wanting your lips on mine 

again

I knew

It was still there

Always there

Even when you let go forget try to forget not feel think remember feel think 

No

If I work hard enough it will go away

Will it now?

How?

If you ignore the truth it's still the truth

And it's still in you inside deep within

The whisper

My name

So now I'm the only one again who believes in all that's here 

and it's lonely 

So fucking lonely without you 

without those eyes 

Those eyes that so love looking into mine 

Drowning in mine

My body was your life raft 

and your guilt carried you

Willing you to push me away 

So you could suffocate in peace

Dear one

Everything is blurred now and you can't receive my kisses anymore 

And I can't hold you and lessen the pain

And I can't smile and light the room so it's brighter for you to see

I can't do anything or be anyone

And I'm already some transparent ghost

A hologram of what could have been

Has always been

Waiting for you to reach out and hold

And I don't care

No one believed me a year ago 

And no one believes me now

Not even you

And it's lonely

So goddamn lonely

Being the only one who believes

In anything 

But I don't care

I don't fucking care how fucking wrong you all think I am

Even you

I am the guardian of this heart

And I will run and scream and cry for it and it alone 

And dance naked in my living room every night

Like the night you played your favorite song in all the land

Because I must

And I float 

And if your arms ever remember

How whole they felt wrapped in mine

Just call 

Whisper my name

And it will be

It just is

Like the beauty and the pain and the fantasy 

This fantasy isn't 

It's always been your reality

So wake up.