who knows, baby

I woke up early. 

I went back to sleep for awhile but I got restless and suddenly wanted to be up.

I went into the bathroom and washed the night off my face. 

And the sun beckoned through the window. 

So I stepped outside and sat on the steps. 

And the warmth of the sun and the ocean breeze was so overwhelming I laid down, right there on the porch.

I closed my eyes and thought about the song he'd sent me. 

Hearing it made me feel so beautiful.

And remembering how beautiful I felt made me so happy.

Happy he was thinking about me. 

Happy I was wrong about never hearing from him again. 

Happy that the song was enough.

I hadn't planned on responding but I suddenly wanted to.

Simply to say I was happy and the song was beautiful. 

And I was laying there with no spot of makeup, my hair fresh from my sheets, and donning a black silk vintage negligee. 

And I felt so pretty.

So I took a picture. 

So he could see. 

So somehow he could be there in the moment with me. 

And I didn't feel nervous sending it. 

I felt somehow he would understand. 

And the moment I hit send he immediately viewed it. 

The same minute. 

Because he was sitting there thinking of me too.

And I smiled. 

My joy spread across my lips and onto my cheeks.

It sparkled in my eyes and danced in my hair. 

And that was enough too. 

I'd spent so much time, so much sadness and frustration needing a dialogue. 

Needing answers. 

Needing closure. 

And as I set my phone down and closed my eyes again, I realized I no longer needed anything more from him. 

He didn't know what to say. 

And I didn't need him to know. 

I had just needed to know if he was thinking of me too. 

And he was. 

Is. 

And always will be. 

And we'll make stories without each other and place our mouths on other lovers lips and forget to miss each other. 

But then it will always come back. 

Like the urge to stop and look up at the stars. 

The call for each other's embrace. 

And maybe one of those moments, maybe one of the nights the longing is too great, he'll call and ask to see me. 

Or maybe he won't. 

But somehow the actual embrace was no longer what I needed. 

And maybe it made no sense. 

But I don't think anything about him or I did. 

And that was okay. 

I was okay with that. 

With the truth that our story didn't have an ending because it never could. 

We merely had an ellipsis. 

And for the first time, that didn't hold back my heart.

It made it soar. 

Because I could go anywhere. 

I could be anything. 

And he would still be there. 

Loving me in silence. 

And that was enough for me.