Da Boobs

A woman told me I was showing too much cleavage today. 

For a moment I felt all warm and fuzzy like I was back in retail sales again and all the glory that comes with having females in management. 

Oh, I'm sorry?

Is that sexist?

Guess how many men have ever told me I was showing too much cleavage?

Zero. 

Guess how many women?

All of them.

Can someone please explain to me why someone who has breasts is giving me a hard time for having big jugs m'self?

People of the world, listen up.

Having to carry around two giant D cups everywhere is WORK. 

Managing to smoosh those magnificent mangoes into clothing everyday without them popping out and attacking you is a miracle from GOD.

It takes a special skill to find clothing tight enough to fit the actual shape of your body but loose enough that it can manage to house my giant boobies. 

Would you feel more comfortable if I was wearing a shapeless sheath?

Ooh I know. 

Why don't I wear a moo moo everywhere I go?

That way no one will be offended by my boobs because I will look like a giant sack of a woman. 

That would be awesome. 

I'm sorry the neckline of my dress offends you. 

V neck lines are very popular with busty women because it gives part of our boobs some air to breathe since they're normally suffocating under our clothing. 

Or awkwardly creating gaps in the buttons on our shirts. 

Or making our shirt seem like a crop top because the amount of fabric needed to cover our chests wearing a high neckline means we may offend you even more deeply with the inch that may show of our tummy. 

Heaven for-fucking-bid.

So I put on a tank top under my dress to try and lessen the offending breastaces which only managed to make my cleavage MORE pronounced because when you wrap something else around big boobs it pushes them together more.

But there you are. 

My clea-VAGE isn't quite so ap-pa-RENT so I hope you can survive the rest of your day unharmed. 

Also. 

A large chested woman has Never.

Ever.

Told me. 

I was showing too much cleavage. 

Because women with massive boobs understand.

How fucking hard it is to keep those ladies in line. 

And for those of you women clueless to the world of unruly breasts--

Imagine your ass.

Was on your chest. 

THAT.

Is what it feels like.

When you're told to cover that shit up. 

Dat shit just ain't happening.