high on honesty

I started 2016 being incredibly fucking brave.

See, dating this era has turned into a convoluted vague cluster fuck. 

No one has any idea what anyone is doing and that makes us all run around and do incredibly crazy shit as a reaction to not knowing what the fuck is going on.

Or maybe you just sit at home watching Netflix, chill, and I'm the one acting out.

I like this guy.

I'm in serious like.

But the kid blowing up my phone isn't the one I'm in like with.

But not knowing where you stand with someone makes it easy to do anything with anyone because what they don't know won't make me have to deal with it. 

That's the way I handled The Phantom and his inability to make time to see me. 

I went out with someone else. 

And what happened?

The Phantom got butt hurt about it and didn't want to see me anymore. 

There were a ton of crazy circumstances and we all know things didn't really end with that conversation at East Burn.

But my assumption about where I stood with him led me to seek validation elsewhere and that was ultimately our downfall.

How the fuck was I supposed to know?

Cut to now, and I feel my instincts kicking in and my urge is to go out with the kid blowing up my phone because that seems easier than wondering where I stand with the guy who hypnotized me with the Like.

And something in me decides, No.

Fuck it.

I want to know where I stand. 

And once I do, I can decide what I want and don't want and that, rather than reacting, should be what drives me away or closer to him. (Or hims).

So I ask if we're seeing other people and he writes I am not seeing anyone else.

And maybe this seems like such a simple question to you, but in my experience, it has often opened the door for a cavalcade of chaotic confusion and expectation and it frankly seems easier to ignore it than ask about it. 

The Phantom told me we were dating exclusively after two weeks and then I immediately didn't see him for 25 days.

You can understand that's made me a little averse to labeling anything quickly. 

But the thought of going on a date with someone else made me feel a little guilty, like what if the object of my Like saw us together. 

What would he think?

So in spite of my slight paranoia I asked to see where he was at. 

And it turns out we're on the same page. 

And I immediately texted the guy I didn't really want to go out with again and told him I was seeing someone. 

Because apparently I am. 

And that's kind of fantastic. 

And when he gets back in town he wants to see me again. 

Cuz you know, when someone likes you, they make time to see you. 

And I forgot how that one simple thing, time, can change everything.