Or that somehow find you, rather.
I was on my way home.
But I decided to glance at my phone before starting the car.
HALP! For realsies! What do I do??! flashed across my home screen.
It was my dear Amelie.
The most adorkable girl you will ever meet in your entire life.
She was at this bar where this guy she really liked works.
Who, coincidentally, worked at the same bar as the guy I was once mad crazy about.
He's not there, is he? I texted her back.
The last time I saw him several months ago he wasn't particularly friendly and I really didn't want to see him again.
He's not working but he just walked in. I think he's leaving soon though.
Ok, I wrote back, On my way.
I walked to the back of the bar to use the restroom and also to calm myself down because I suddenly felt very nervous.
I'd told myself I'd never go back there, or if I did, it'd be after enough time had passed he'd hardly recognize me.
And there I was again, same breathtaking chandelier hanging In the corner, same bar I once dearly loved.
I left the restroom and saw him, his back facing me.
I had to pass him to get to Amelie but I wasn't there for him, I was there to support a fellow love crazed friend, so I didn't even glance his way and sat immediately at Amelie's side.
She'd befriended a couple sitting next to her and after introductions they offered me a sip from their absinthe.
Oh, I'm getting over a cold, I don't want to share your glass. But I'll drink the last of it after you're finished.
The gentleman quickly grabbed the glass and chugged the majority of what remained and handed it back to me with maybe a quarter of an ounce left.
I stared at the bottom of the glass and tried not to shoot him a dirty look, and simply tossed my head back to finish it.
It had most of the dissolved sugar cube in it but what fragment of liquid hit my tongue tingled in slight numbness and reminded me of the first time I had absinthe, in Kai's kitchen, years ago.
I glanced toward the corner I had seen him standing in and he wasn't there anymore.
He'd probably left, I thought, wanting to avoid me.
Amelie was telling me about a date she'd been on and all of a sudden I heard him laugh.
It was so strange.
To all at once recognize something about someone you haven't been around in a very long time.
Our visit with the couple lasted maybe ten minutes more and they wished us a good night.
I sipped slowly on the hot toddy in front of me and suddenly noticed a tall figure reflected in the mirror across from me.
Hey stranger, it's good to see you, he said, wrapping his long arms around me in a hug.
Hey, you too,I said, softer than normal.
I was slightly stunned he'd walked over to say hi.
He very animatedly starting telling Amelie and I about his day, his classes, about the burger he was craving, about the bus he'd just missed.
I suddenly became a spectator of my own night, of what was happening, part in disbelief, part in adoring wonder.
Here he was.
Sitting beside me.
For no reason for being there other than just to talk with me, which was something he hadn't done in nine months.
I kept waiting for the catch, waiting for him to say something insulting, waiting to realize he was merely there to meet someone else.
When he stepped outside to smoke he walked around to sit right in front of the window right in front of us.
His attention was overwhelming.
Meanwhile Amelie's crush busied himself behind the bar hardly looking up from his work making my poor friend bored from his non interaction.
Normally I would have suggested we go elsewhere but I was so mesmerized from my old loves sudden interaction I was glued to my bar stool.
Quiet.
But glued.
I felt inexplicably calm.
Completely out of character.
While my adorable friend rambled on about her escapades I just watched him.
I said nothing for the majority of the time I was there, and I just took him in.
All of it.
And he watched me back.
I can't even remember the last time we'd looked at each other so much.
It was this strange sensation knowing everything had completely changed and yet still, after so much time, we each delighted in each other's face.
At one particularly boisterous part of Amelie's story he looked at me and raised his eyebrows and we both smiled.
My eyes must have somehow twinkled because he suddenly said, I've always admired people who can wink.
And I blushed under the dim lights.
You winked? What'd you do? Show me what you did? Amelie played along.
I didn't do anything, I said.
That's just what my face did when it looked at him.
Ninety minutes later I knew he would leave soon, catching the long overdue bus for that burger he'd wanted two hours ago.
Without a word I got up from my chair and walked over to him and he stood too.
I tightly wrapped my arms under his coat and held him.
And for what felt like enough time to play an entire ballad, we just stood there.
And there was something in his hug that felt healing, that spoke more than any thousand texts could say.
Amelie's crush was standing in front of us all and asked Amelie what she thought of her drink.
Well, it's alright, even though you didn't make it and I asked you to, she sassily replied.
Sometimes things don't turn out the way we want them too, and my mouth fell open, because he clearly meant more than just the cocktail.
I hugged Amelie goodbye and walked out of the bar just ahead of my lost love.
As we got outside he put a cigarette between his lips, and suddenly looked like some black and white photograph.
I reached up to him, standing on my tiptoes, this time wrapping my arms around his neck.
It was such a simple accidental encounter.
But something about our interactions always felt like some scene in a movie.
There was an intensity between us.
I had no other word for it.
Not love, not passion, not friendship.
An energy.
Something danced between our souls and as I stepped away and looked back at him I realized if I never saw him again after this moment, that would be okay.
There were no words waiting to spill out from my lips.
I felt content.
Get home ok, drive safe, he said.
Oh, I'm fine, I only had that one, I said.
And you finished the last of that absinthe, he said.
And we both smiled.
He'd been watching me.
From the moment I first sat down.
Because I still captivated him.
And it was so fucking perfect, I couldn't quite believe it.
I got home and I showered and I marveled over every detail of the night.
Of every moment that he chose to be near me.
And every glance.
And sideways smile.
And I wondered what he was thinking at this moment and if our night was to be some sort of dream.
Where the planets aligned and our paths would likely not cross again.
And just then my phone beeped.
And I thought Amelie must be sharing how her night ended.
And as I leaned over my phone, my mind knew before my eyes even saw the numbers.
It was him.
For the first time in eight months.
The Phantom texted me.
No comments:
Post a Comment