hurricane reese

It is an utterly strange feeling to feel at once satisfied with your life in any one moment and still a corner of your soul longs to be beside another.

It feels like acceptance. 

To exist fully present in the people, the connections all around you, not ignoring the ache that's always within you, but no longer allowing it to influence the choices you make. 

Things I don't understand I have no desire to try and struggle to anymore.

I kind of experienced the reminder that some things, certain folks, those rare inexplicable bondings, cannot be undone.

And those are so much easier to walk away from. 

Because you know, they will always come back.

Their path will always find its way to stumble into you. 

So you've no need to stand still or walk in familiar circles to make it happen. 

It is. 

In spite of and because of you.

I let myself get lost in the hazy allure of last night and it felt incredible to be surrounded by strangers. 

I spent so much of my life trying to fit the cumbersome squares I adored into my world, many reluctant or resentful.

And I used to pride myself on my perseverance, my stubborn insistence that this one, This Soul, belonged in my storyline, needed me desperately, incessantly. 

And now I don't really know that girl.

I have to reach out, and communicate abundantly, but it isn't because of them. 

It's because of my balance. 

I don't harbor secrets. 

I don't wish I could unburden myself with the ugliness of who I really am. 

I'm a transparent chaos of canvas. 

And I don't want to chase the uncertain any longer. 

I danced on the precipice of what might be the greatest love story and when I finally asked him what his feelings for me were, he simply answered I don't know.

I don't know. 

I don't know. 

Jesus, what a dull familiar tune. 

I heard some others I love you in a particularly complicated way and laughed. 

What is it about my essence that so baffles and bewilders the very few I long to get lost in?

Dark humor my life is.

Twisted in its delicious uncertainty, violent instability. 

And complete and utter awe of all that just might be. 

Is. 

Already. 

I have no desire to run screaming into the night. 

I want to laugh. 

And dance. 

And sing at the top of my lungs. 

And be everything I insanely exist as

For any and all moments that choose to devour my wild heart. 

I love your life, my friend told me today.

As do I, dear one. 

So tenderly as do I.