someone who looks like you

People think that I want a fairytale. 

A lover who will always say the right thing. 

Who poses for perfect pictures and cums on me in such a way I still feel refined. 

They see me and think they know the dark recesses of my core.

The way I must want everything they can't give me. 

Because I want everything. 

I want to push them beyond where they can even reach. 

But this week. 

This incredible week. 

I fell in love with imperfectness. 

My friend I've had hundreds of conversations with opened up about something she'd never told me before.

Something dark and sad and ugly. 

And vitally important to her heart. 

And I love her. 

And I've always loved her. 

But seeing her so raw, so vulnerable in her pain was like diving into her soul and taking a swim. 

I felt so close to her. 

And I love when people let me in. 

That same night I looked into my lovers eyes and he told me something he probably hadn't planned to. 

And I felt my soul climb into his and leave a red kiss on his cheek. 

I want a love that's broken. 

That's fucked up and confusing. 

That constantly surprises everyone involved. 

I want to be trusted to gingerly hold the pieces they offer, to continue to embrace the violent force that keeps pushing us into each other's arms. 

And I don't want to demand or ask for any more than they can offer. 

In any one moment in the middle of the night. 

And the friends who I don't see anymore, who I can't see, who won't message me back, I don't resent.

I send them light when I twirl around late in my underwear, laughing as I remember how much fun we used to have. 

I want my life filled with people who look into my eyes and freely hand me their dark truth. 

I want to hold them tight and kiss their forehead and whisper back in their ear, I'm not going anywhere. 

It's never over. 

This vibrant love.  

This call in my heart to listen. 

Listen to everything they trust me to hear. 

And even the things they can't.

Yet. 

Because days will pass and we will grow. 

And we'll see strange things and do some even stranger. 

But our bond will never fade. 

It's unbreakable. 

The contrast to each of us.

And even when words are dead, it exists still.

This light, this bright fire, making me forever smile, at just the momentary rememberance of your face, the way, for that one moment in time, your eyes trusted mine. 

And I wanted nothing more in life than to exist in that one moment.