If Tinder were Honest

I'll probably fuck you on the first date. 

If you buy me nachos and tell me I'm pretty. 

I probably won't spend the night because that makes me really uncomfortable. 

And I don't want to lose myself in the moment in your arms because you're probably still in love with your ex. 

And you're gonna wait to admit this until I hand you all control because you're probably a bit of a sadist and I'm not as masochistic as I pretend to be. 

I don't know what I'm looking for other than sex. 

I'm supposed to say I'm looking for love and I do believe it exists in abundance. 

But I don't know that my wild heart is ready to be tamed or can be, for anyone. 

Certainly not some stranger I've spent three hours with. 

I am more comfortable than you are on this date. 

On any date. 

I've been single most of my life. 

I'm good at it. 

I don't know how to be any version of a female you need me to be. 

I will overwhelm you.  

And I will intimidate you. 

And I will want sex more than you do. 

I will always want to drink and fuck and walk under the stars. 

And I won't be surprised when I don't hear from you again. 

And I will feel guilty about how okay I am when it ends. 

Or how I won't remember your name in a year. 

And your friend whose at the same bar as us is going to recognize me from Tinder. 

Because no one looks like me. 

And there must be few who are anything like me. 

And if you took my hand during our date I will pull it away. 

But if you buy me brunch the next morning I will let you hold it as we walk. 

And it will be the happiest I've felt in years. 

I may text you again some night when I'm lonely. 

When some other date I'm leaving has me dissatisfied. 

And this time I will care when you don't text me back. 

Because sometimes I'm not strong. 

Sometimes I want someone to hold my face in his hands and say I Love You.

Because it's been a long time. 

And I'm not sure I remember what that feels like. 

To be around a man who isn't running away from me. 

But I won't expect that from you. 

Pipe dreams aren't my style. 

I don't know what to do with it when I get my hearts desire. 

I always drive them away anyway. 

I'd rather laugh and climax and have a story to tell. 

When our moment has already begun to fade.