O Adventuring One

This may be wrong to say, but I think part of the reason we miss people is because of the moments we experience with them that we never experience with anybody else. 

And oftentimes, when we experience similar moments with others it takes the sting out of missing someone, not because they're less important, but because we've reminded ourselves we don't actually need them to feel the things we do.

They were merely lucky enough to experience it with us. 

I took myself to the beach today. 

I'd been aching to go for weeks.

There's always something restorative about going. 

I breathe deeper. 

My spirit softens. 

And for whatever reason, the waves remind me whatever's tormenting my heart will soon fade. 

And it won't be long before this all seems far less important. 

All of it. 

I remembered when I was walking along the streets how Kai and I had finished our backpacking adventure here. 

We hiked the trail from Seaside to Cannon beach and slept on a bunk that had all the comfort of a picnic table. 

In the middle of the night we relieved ourselves under the vivid stars. 

And I remember laughing and telling him who knew peeing side by side could be such a bonding experience. 

You're weird, he'd simply replied. 

Which was his response to everything I said. 

And that one moment pretty much summed up our entire relationship: me finding the beauty in the most inane moments.

And him thinking I'm a weird girl because of it. 

I'd never been backpacking with anyone since.

And the crazy truth is most people probably wouldn't ever realize that would be something I'd love to do again. 

And I know when I do go, it will ease that pain in my adventuring heart, the ache that longs for my climbing buddy, that wishes we could lose ourselves on some trail.

Kai helped me discover I had a longing for it. 

And no one else has satiated that desire.

Yet.

And I knew in my heart the same was true of my ex lover; it all felt more significant than it ought to, because he'd helped me discover a longing I also didn't know existed. 

And those turning points, those quintessential life moments of self discovery feel overwhelming, meaningful, in part, feel they happened simply because of them. 

When the reality is it didn't have to be either of them to awaken either dormant cry of my heart. 

But it was. 

It was them.

And it was magic. 

They were part of it. 

But moments don't have to exist for eternity to be any more meaningful. 

I didn't need either of them anymore. 

And it felt freeing to realize that. 

But it would be a mistake not to seek out a new partner to help satisfy the cries of my adventuring spirit and the desires buried beneath my skin.

If I can't spend Sunday's in your bed, in awe of all it is to be in your hands, then let us spend it together outside, in awe of all it is simply to be alive.