Isn't that always how epic nights start?
We left our usual haunt because it was a bore and we set out to a different part of town and we stopped at a dive on Hawthorne but when we looked inside it was dead.
Let's go to The Liquor Store, I said.
And we quickly turned around and got back in the car.
The bar was a zoo, which was what we were wanting.
Getting lost in a sea of faces feels medicinal sometimes.
We sat at the bar and the distance between our bar stools could fit two men: one to stand beside each one of us and kiss us.
It was kind of ridiculous.
Amelie was a drunk little monkey and ordered some nachos (which she loved almost more than she loved me) and I ordered my second drink of the night.
A guy to my left started trying to chat us up and I felt like we were in that awkward scene in every romantic comedy where the girl is reeeeeeally not interested but trying to be polite and the guy is reeeeeeeally not getting the hint.
Amelie abandoned me to join the line for the bathroom and I tried to make it clear to Eager Edward on my left that I was engrossed in the David Bowie film that was playing in the background.
Eventually Amelie came back and it wasn't long before another guy approached us.
He came in between us (I'm telling you, the distance between those bar stools could hold an orgy) and leaned forward.
Oh, don't stop talking I'm just eavesdropping.
I looked into his face and smiled.
This one was cute.
Being hit on by a guy whose unattractive is a nuisance.
But being hit on by a guy whose hot is another story.
He suddenly looked into my eyes like he was seeing me for the first time.
He darted his head back and forth and did a twirl.
Yes.
A twirl.
You are WONDERFUL, he exclaimed.
Your boobs make me stupid.
He was obliterated, it was hilarious.
Thank you, I said. You are very drunk, honey.
He leaned in and put his face very close to mine.
You want a kiss? I asked.
Really? He asked back, like a little kid that got to open a Christmas present early.
He leaned in and kissed me.
A long, slow kiss.
The most soft and sensual a drunk stranger has ever kissed me.
When he finally pulled his face away from mine a big grin stretched over his lips.
You are incredible. I have to get back to my friends downstairs.
My red lipstick was all over his lips.
A perfect red kiss marked his left cheek.
I didn't say anything and just smiled as he walked away.
I'd kissed a stranger, sober, and very much enjoyed it.
A lot.
Way before I felt ready to.
Which made it even more fantastic.
I looked at Amelie who was looking at her nachos.
Did you see that? I asked. Did you see what happened?
Huh?? She asked, dumbfounded.
I just made out with that stranger. Did you not see that??
Uh uh, she shook her head, and piled a huge amount of chips in her face.
Dammit, Amelie, I can't believe you missed my epic make out! I laughed.
She just shrugged and smiled at me with nacho in her teeth.
Fucking hell, I loved that girl.
I'm sick of being so far away from you, let's go sit at the table by the window.
And we grabbed our stuff and sat at a table by the door that had a much better view of the room.
I looked up and realized I recognized a face.
He was standing a few feet away from me, like he'd been placed there by the director of my life movie for our big scene.
His eyes caught mine and he smiled.
I smiled back but didn't move.
He walked over toward me.
Oh my god, it's Glasses, I whispered to Amelie.
And I got up and gave him a hug.
We'd already ran into each other a month ago at another bar I never go to.
The night I saw him on a date with someone else.
We exchanged pleasantries until I finally playfully smacked him on the arm.
You never texted me back, I said.
Yeah, I know, I'm sorry about that.
Was she your girlfriend or something?
No, just a friend in town, visiting.
We looked at each other and were quiet.
I had a good time with you, I finally said.
He smiled, but didn't say anything.
I'm sure I'll see you around, he said.
And I thought, yeah, because apparently the universe wants me to keep running into my fuck buddy whose number is saved in my phone as Glasses.
I didn't fucking get it.
But I looked amazing, so there was that.
He looked cuter than I remembered.
Those dashing smiles, dammit.
Fucking get me every time.
I went back to Amelie and told her what happened.
I looked at him and thought how funny it was running into him, again, at the bar we went to on our first date, like the universe enjoyed bringing things full circle so much.
And at that moment I looked up and there was the stranger again.
The one I'd kissed in the first five minutes of meeting him.
He looked over and saw me and smiled.
And then he walked over and sat down beside me.
This table was the best decision I'd made all night.
I smiled back at him and we started talking.
And it wasn't many minutes before he was kissing me again.
Only this time, as he slowly leaned in, I saw out of the corner of my eye that Glasses was still standing in the same spot, a mere few feet away from me, and I saw a tiny smile of jealousy flash across his face before the stranger put his lips on mine.
And it was in that moment I kind of fell in love with the universe.
Because being rejected happens and when it's from the kid who was your drug to get over heartache it's extra rejecting.
Because you don't really care but you still want to be wanted.
Especially by someone who seemed to really enjoy being inside you.
And now here I was shamelessly making out with some guy I just met in front of the bar window like the glorious trollop that I am.
He was so stupidly adorable I couldn't believe it.
He was a videographer and I couldn't believe that either.
He'd been in Bend that morning climbing at Smith Rock and I couldn't believe that.
You wanna go climbing with me sometime? He asked, smiling.
Oh my god, yes. Yes, I want to go climbing with you.
I just want to take your picture. You're incredible. You're beautiful. You're really beautiful.
His sincerity was unnerving and yet I felt like I was having one of those moments where I'd suddenly understand why I didn't get to be with the man who was so scared of me.
Do you have a boyfriend? He asked me.
No. Do you have a girlfriend?
Yes. I do.
It was in that moment that I came back from cloud 9 to reality and remembered that men suck and there was a reason I wasn't looking to date anyone right now.
We are headed for a bad place, I don't know what's gonna happen. I'm sorry, I just want to be honest with you.
I should have been mad.
But I was so grateful to have felt a connection with someone that wasn't....him......I didn't even care.
You want to hear something honest? I am heartbroken over a guy. And it felt incredible to have you kiss me at the bar and feel a connection with someone else.
He looked at me in earnest.
And. My old fuck buddy who totally rejected me is sitting over there at the bar and he totally saw us making out.
He laughed, That's fucking epic.
Yeah, I thought, it really kinda is.
We looked at each other for a long time and started thinking about the things men think about when they look at beautiful women.
He looked away from me and blushed.
You heard what my eyes were saying, didn't you? I asked.
Yeah, yeah I did. This is bad. Do you want to hear all the things I want to do to you?
Yes. But first I want another whiskey. Get me a whiskey and then you can tell me.
Ok. Whiskey.
He left the table and walked up to the bar a couple feet away from Glasses.
I smiled at him and then checked my phone to make sure Amelie had gotten home okay.
I looked up and he was still standing there, smiling at me.
He gave me a slight wave and he just looked so fucking happy and adorable I wondered if anything was actually gonna happen or if we were just gonna spend the night continuing to be honest with each other.
The music blared on and I realized it had actually been a little while and I looked up and figured he must have gone to the bathroom.
And then I realized there wasn't a line anymore and some girl suddenly came out of the bathroom and I looked to the right and noticed for the first time a sign.
Two doors were there at the back of the bar.
The door to the left, rest room.
And above the door to the right read, emergency exit.
And I knew in that moment he was gone.
It couldn't have been more aptly placed, the door, or the sign.
It was an emergency exit for him.
I'm sure he'd sobered up enough in that moment as he stood there waiting to order some strange girl a drink and then realizing, what am I doing?
And I don't know what the fuck I expected to happen or what I even wanted to happen but you know, it felt really fucking nice to not feel sad for a moment.
And to meet a man who wanted to adventure with me and capture my beauty that I felt so fucking attracted to.
Fuck.
I paid for my one drink and the buser told me I looked really beautiful and I smiled politely but my heart was already closed for the night.
I'm just another fantasy, I thought.
And another epic disappointment.
But for a moment....
For a moment I believed again.
In connection.
And passion.
And timing.
And someday some man who was so captivated by me wouldn't run away when he realized what we could have together.
Even if all the men I feel connected to now were running far far away.
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